wow!!!!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kill me kay!?

Risk It

to laugh is to risk appearing the fool
to weep is to risk appearing sentimental
to reach out to another is to risk involvement
to express feelings is to risk exposing your true self
to place your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd, is to risk their loss
to love is to risk not being loved in return
to live is to risk dying
to hope is to risk despair
to try it to risk failure
but risks must be taken; because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
the person who risks nothing, does nothing has nothing and is nothing
they may avoid suffering and sorrow but they simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live,
only a person who risks is free

what kind of person would i personally be if i didnt do these things?
i laugh at myself so other won't laugh at me... in this way we both appear the fool
i cry... i am sentimental
i offer all i can to another, i nearly look to find involvement
my true self is my emotions
my dreams are just that, mine... my ideas are to better the world... do with them as you'd like
i love you... you loved me not.... let me count the times....
every minute i walk is one step less on my life.
when i hope i find despair... yet i am still able to hope
i try and then stop.. failure has taken me over


make dreams... they can come true!

i just took a test telling me what infectious STD i would be! and i got *dun dun dun* GONORRHEA!!

Take the Affliction Test Today!

cigarettes and choc-o-late milk... i have this song stuck in my head and it sucks since i don't know anymore words... to be honest i don;t know why i know this one part any better than the rest.. i suppose it was on while i was sleeping on your bed last night and you were singing it or something...


like HONESTLY who wakes someone to bring them home to go to bed... i mean c'mon! hahahah
i'm over it!

wow! i just nearly cried... this one girl just came into the library, where i use a shit ass computer, and said my name and for some reason i thought it was a person or even worse the teacher of the class i am supposed to be in...
i gave the office a nite so they have no reason to bitch about anything... and i mean i would go home but i just want to finish up some law... i have a huge law project... oh AND the pressing and obviously important for life class religion project to do this weekend WOW! kill me kay!?

i'm in the best mood right now ! i was somewhat upset this morning but i now i am great due to the fact that i got something off my chest that was bugging me a lot... and in the process i learned to fold letters in a new way! whee!

right now i want to go and run over to the 600's and go up and down every stair until i find ali... awww i just want to hug him!


ICK! fallon just took my photo right before i got into here... i could die! i hate her!! neigh?! how does a horse manage to use a camera?!

aregentina, austrailia, austria, bahamas, bangledash, belgium, bolivia, brazil, bulgaria, canada, chile, china, cambodia, costa rica, croatia, cuba, czech repulic, denmark, dominican republic, ecuador, egypt, el salvador, ethiopia, france, gabon, germany, great britain, greece, guatemala, haiti, honduras, hong kong, hungary, india, indonesia, iran, ireland, israel, italy, ivory coast, jamaica, japan, jordan, kazakhstan, kenya, korea, kuwait, lebanon, luxemborg, malaysia, malta, mexico, monaco, morocco, myanmar, nepal, netherlands, new guinea, new zealand, nigeria, norway, oman, palistan, panama, paraguay, peru, philippines, poland, portugal, puerto rico, qatar, romania, saudi arabia, scotland, singapore, south africa, spain, sweden, switzerland, syria, taiwan, tanzania, hahaha! kathryn just got the hiccups and they aren't going away! thailand, trinidad, tunisia, turkey, uganda, ukraine, united states of america, uruguay, venezuela, vietnam, zaire, zimbabwe

there was this little mini poster saying "knowledge resource: illuminating our world with information and automation." and it had the name of all these countries and more but some i couldn;t spell because i couldn't read them due to the light colour of font they were in and others i had never heard of them and i wasn't sure they even truly existed.

oooohhh and on the other side of the poster it says "got questions? go to the source! -abortion -acid rain -affirmative action -AIDS -alvoholism -alternative energy -animal rights -anorexia -attention -deficit disorder -autism -bilingual education -drug abuse -earthquakes -endangered species -euthanasia -generation X -global warming -goths -holocaust -immigration -internet privacy -ku klux klan -mars -NAFTA -obesity -oil spills -ozone -peer pressure -prisons -racism -rap music- road rage -schizophrenia -school prayer -school uniform -stress -suicide -teen pregnancy -terrorism - underage drinking -vegetarianism -welfare reform -whales -women in combat -x-rays -young offenders act -zebra's
okay so i am bored and terribly strange... or am i strange and terribly bored!?
hahah and she's STILL hiccuping!!
anyways! i'm off!! see you!
wow! i just had to go and type in the little commands like < then the letter (either b or i) and then the closing > and for the following one i had to add a / thing.. ia m proud!

ciao

she's done now:)

what are you supposed to think when a kiss ends... especially when that is the LAST thing you wanted it to lead to... you saying goodbye!
well lately i have been thinking these things usually in this order:

1) wouldn't it be great if he just came up running behind me and kiss me just one last time!?

2) i want to look back. then if he's looking i can kiss him again... but what if's not... should i look... what if i look like a stalker... i'm going to look... awwww he's not looking... i'm a stalker!

3) i wonder what he's thinking as he's walking away!?

4) i think i had stale sick breath

5) i wonder if i kiss alright... like is it pathetic?

6) wow i should probably stop smiling

7) maybe i should stop thinking these things... its kind of gay and retarded and scary all at once

8) i wish that would never have ended...

hahahh well there's a small insight into my mind post kissing...

Harry Potter... oh go see it! it was good!

here's to running noses in the morning!
and to "doctors appointments"
hey harry! how you been!? long time no see!
did you hear that honk... it was a laugh
fort
what?! there's a flower under my boob?!

HERE'S TO ONE OF THE BEST DAYS I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME

ick! could i hate things anymore than i do!?
i mean i hate EVERYTHING!
one minute i'm smiling just thinking about how everything i've wanted for the past few months of my life has basically happened! wow LUCKY ME!
and then the next thing i know i am screaming i want to beat things!
for example! soon enought eh band will have to be at play practice! hello dear friends
hellooooo hot piano boy ;D
and then i think fuck i hate this scene.... do we have to practice it again! shoot me kay!?

ugh! melodrama! i'm doomed for a melodramatic life due to my childhood sucking.

well i am off to drown my troubles in water... where i once saw the nearly a food iten iced cream i now see water... why you ask... i'm overweight!
see you

i really have nothing of any importance to say... perhaps that is because i am so happy and when i am too happy i have very little to say... just tonnes to smile about! or because there is nothing to bitch about, no pressing issue on my chest nealy crushing me with its weight!
but it think the most likely answer to my lack of relevant speech is the fact that i have only been up for 10 minutes and its 9:30 am on a saturday!?

hey i see a friend i want to talk to.... so i shall

its a rave in your brain!
haha i think if i went to a rave it would be joyous....
i mean i may die due to the strobe lights but hey, you gotta take risks!
but really i'd dance my heart out and sweat some fat away!! yip-yip-eeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways i have to go paint now....


here's to us!
here's to art!
here's to love!
here's to music!
here's to life!
here's to today!
here's to this!
here's to you!
here's to me!

so maybe now this prayer, the last one of it's kind, won't you please come get your baby, maybe....

you gotta love dogs. they are just so sweet! a dog comes onstage and the whole audience goes "aahhhhhhh awwwwwwww" and its perfect! wow! what a little puppy can do

so i'm not wearing a bra right now since i had a shower before i went to bed, and that was at 11 o'clock last night (i'm a loser!), and i took it off and didnt care to put it back on... not a big fan of the complete dissappearance of support... meh i think i will live!

so whats up guys?!
i am currently bored and very ugly this morning.. i think i will dye my hair but first i need to get it trimmed... that means finding the time for a hair appointment... christ... i wish i just had time to sit and watch tv let alone get a hair cut.

aaaaaannnnnnnnnddddddddd i'm over it!

okay so i have to go ... maybe after i get dressed and cake on the war paint (aka. make up) maybe then today i won't be so ugly!

see you!

eternal light, has come amoung man kind, yet mankind has chosen darkness... -eternal light by john michael talbot and phil perkins
to see the light to be the light, what does it all mean!? one does not know.

i am antisipating the end of this day yet somehow dreading the beginning of the next
(let the melodrama begin)

do i care at all right now!? nope... not really... do i now NOT care... nope not really!
i am pulled between knowing everything and seeing clearly and knowing nothing and seeing through clouds.

If it were not for the last minute, nothing would get done. -Anonymous
so the name of my game is waiting. wait and see... you'll never guess what comes next. wait and see... this is only the beginning. wait and see... don't blink you'll miss the end. wait and see...

to all of those who are waiting, take a number, you may have to wait...
to the people in the balconies, don't pretend you care. you're there for show, which is the reason you think i am here... for show.
to those of you with the front row seats, enjoy the leg room. it's something to enjoy.
to the people with wrist bands sitting on the floor, get up, the shows about to begin.
to the few called groupies or roadies... wait and see.... you'll appreciate the irony and melodrama of it all

see you around... in later days.

pity
is friendship's whore

friendship
is the scent of
roses
overcoming the reeking decay that
we
(stupid?)
so often regard as
our life
caused by others
(evil?)
directed by our fears
insecurities
jealousy
hatred
or perhaps
a love
that knows not even the bounds
set by cruelty

you may be neck-deep in
uncertainty (fear)
but the man in the red jacket
for Boise
is selling a life preserver
and the price is

right

the above once given to me by the one person in my life who has truly inspired me and influenced me. i have purposely let him mould my life...

"if what i'm saying makes do sense, maybe it's because sense can't be made; it has to be sensed"- King Missile
again... i live for my friends... stay there and catch me... i will fall... i love you, i need you, i live for you

honestly... i feel self hatred is the most gratifying...
no one really knows your mad and no one gets mad at you



let us ALL hate OURSELVES!
herrah

simplicity: its beauty is so dazzling, perfect and complexe.
complexity: routine followed by routine, chaos to follow routine.
unity: honour and strength, beauty and whats more community.
serenity: too simplistic for words, too challenging to grasp, let alone maintain.
diversity: more to see, less to understand.
naivety: artless... lies, shadows, faux

everything i see each day is all of these in one.
the flowers, so simple with bold solid colours. so complexe in each day growing more. united in a garden is far more beautiful than alone. to be serene is to truly look at and understand the flowers, reach out and touch them. diverse in the way never two are the exact same. naive in attempting to find peace on earth...

i honestly think, slowly i am losing faith in the world and further more, losing faith in me.
when was the last time i decided simplicity over honesty and thus complexity? when was the last time i decided i would say what ought to be on my mind apposed to what was really there? i didn't lie, i merely adverted all my attention to what would cause less of a problem... the problem is, it wasnt the truth.
when last did i take the road of complexity and ultimately fall on my face. complexe isnt the way for me. i have my routines. routine practices and rehersals. routine eating patterns even routine phone calls. the day more than one of these routines are gone, chaos. i fall flat on my face.
unity is not something i usually gravitate to. i don everything on my own. i don;t want to rely on anyone but me because then the work will get done. i don't want anyone to rely on me, then nothing is ever finished.
i have probably walked by serenity on a daily basis. who am i to be serene when there is so much happening around me?
strength in diversity power through unity. i must say i feel diverse as a person... i don't feel strong though
oh the naiveness of a child, to walk with a free heart and trusting mind. everything mommy or daddy ever did was right and they knew everything. no troubles in the world, nothing to care about. ever so naive

all these things may be somewhat desireable, but are they truly obtainable... i doubt it

Once upon a time...

i think i have an issue with sizes.
like i either want my eyes, eye lashes, boobs, and hair (in length for hair) bigger or smaller... the size they are now is shit... i don't like it.

bluck i am so odd


anyways
unless i want to go to school in that ugly shirt i was wearing at the cottage, with the guy and the kid on it, i should go get changed!

see you

so i am on the phone... new guy...
no i'm not sleeping around, i am just on the phone with a great kid from my drama class.
he is so cute. i love this boy!

have you ever gone somewhere, weather it be in your mind or an actual place, and this place or space allows you to forget everything that could ever bug you? allows you to find total peace with yourself. this place allows you to be you and to not care about it!
this boy, he knows this peace... he is an idol in my mind. in his mind, these are regular things, yet to me... amazing

thank you for allowing me to be in your life.
Drama is amazing thanks to you.

:D only you control your destiny.